Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Those days when Fergie makes it better.

Sometimes when I feel crazy I sing some Fergie. Really loud.

…I put them boys on rock, rock. Ta-ta-ta-tassstttyyy tassstttyy!!!

It just happens.

You know the crazy feeling I’m talking about? You feel overwhelmed, anxious, and cornered. It’s like shopping at Target on Christmas Eve in the dark while being chased by a rhinoceros. You’re lost, confused, and most likely enduring a flop sweat.

Cue singing: T, to the A, to the S-T-E-Y girl you tastttyyyy. Ugh.

We are all guilty of feeling out-of-sorts, unkempt, and off our game. Where do we go when the crazy comes in? How do we cope?

Some prefer to drink gallons of ethanol. Others like to have an intense workout. Some like to hit things with sticks.

I am sickened by random lyrical attacks.

It’s a particularly bad day if I’m singing “Bohemian Rhapsody”. I’m in a downward emotional spiral if I’m singing “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia”. And if I start belting any song from Wicked…it’s best we all pretend I don’t really exist.

(Author’s note: I am a horrible singer. It’s a miracle my shower has not tried to drown me.)

These lyrical attacks work for me. They just do.

If you’re feeling crazy, instead of turning to your toxic vices, I suggest you try some of the following:

- Throw a rock in the air and watch it fall to the ground. Fun times.

- Look at yourself in the mirror and do Bill Clinton and/or George W. Bush impressions.

- Go into your partner’s dresser drawers and unfold all of their clothes. Do not refold.

- Stand on your front porch and try to yodel. Become better acquainted with your neighbors.

- Play Frisbee by yourself.

- Go to the public library. Proceed to perform handstands.

Any one of these activities is sure to help reduce your crazy feeling, clear you mind, and get you back on track.

I see a little silhouetto of a man/Scaramouche, Scaramouche/Will you do the Fandango?!?!

Sigh.

1 comment:

  1. "Go into your partner’s dresser drawers and unfold all of their clothes. Do not refold" --- this is what I would prefer to do. Then again, that's probably why I don't have a girlfriend. I take notes from Anjelah Johnson's 'nail salon' ... "that's why you don't have no [girl]friend."

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